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9/20/2009

Guest Post from the World's Strongest Librarian | Josh Hanagarne

I had the pleasure of the meeting the world’s strongest librarian in person a few weeks ago when I visited Salt Lake for the Thinking Ahead Symposium. Josh was so very personable, likable and well... just plain interesting & inspirational (just take a look at his bio to see what I mean) that I couldn’t resist taking him up on his offer to guest blog.

I have to admit, when I first read the contribution Josh had crafted for LibraryBytes, I found myself wondering how did the topic of “libraries & learning” ( a topic I had suggested) morph itself into a small story about public urination? But as I read Josh’s tale, I started to see the connection. “Learning in libraries” isn’t always as glamorous, or noble as one would think. Read it for yourself. Perhaps you can relate. :)


When The Recruiters Came For Me, or: Another Tale Of Public Urination

By Josh Hanagarne

I thought of my enormous student loan and wondered how long it would take to pay it off. I thought of my parents and wondered what they’d think if they could see me at this moment. I thought of my hopes and dreams and silently mouthed the words, Where did you go?

Then I gritted my teeth. I opened my mouth and hesitated for a moment before saying…

…well, hold on a second. Let’s back up.

Rewind Two Years

When the Library School recruiters came for me, they smiled gaping smiles that resembled the mouths of The Muppets. They revved at a very high RPM. Their eyes bulged with enthusiasm. They said things like:

“You will be the ssssssteward of democracy. Think of it, child…”

“…the front linessss of censorship…”

“…the guardian of ideassss…”

“…sssspecialized ssssskillssss…”

“…all the other librarianssss….they are weak and will ssssoon retire…all their power will be yoursss…for a fee…”

I couldn’t get my credit card out fast enough.

Present Day

I thought of my enormous student loan and wondered how long it would take to pay it off. I thought of my parents and wondered what they’d think if they could see me at this moment. I thought of my hopes and dreams and silently mouthed the words, Where did you go?

I had planned on spending the rest of my days swinging a battle-axe into censorship’s ugly mug.

Instead, and not for the first time, this Newly Anointed Steward Of Democracy gritted his teeth. I opened my mouth and hesitated for a moment before saying:

“Dude, please quit peeing on that.”

The young patron jumped as if he’s been tasered. Urine ran down the rocks in decidedly non-glorious rivulets.

I hope we’re not out of rubber gloves, I thought.

“Seriously. Zip it up.”

The boy tucked himself away and ran to tell his mother I’d been mean to him. When she confronted me, I handed her the rubber gloves and tried to look stern.

She tried to argue a bit, but finally relented and cleaned up the story room. I like to think it was because everyone knows that it’s crazy to argue with the Stewards Of Democracy.

But she may have had her own reasons.

About the Author: Josh Hanagarne writes World’s Strongest Librarian, a blog with advice about living with extreme Tourette’s Syndrome, book recommendations, buying pants when you’re 6’8”, old-time strongman training, public urination, and much more. Please subscribe to Josh’s RSS Updates and Stronger, Smarter, Better Newsletter to stay in touch.

Thanks Josh!

4 comments:

Anne said...

Here's a research topic if ever there was one. Why have unaccompanied children in libraries more bladder control that those accompanied by an adult? Because they do.

I'm a bit taken aback that this is the subject of my first comment on the blog but there you go.

Josh said...

Anne, I love it! There's a PHD dissertation and a no-brainer Nobel for anyone with the skills to tackle this question.

Jess said...

My favorite was finding used diapers in the children's section. Mothers would change their babies on the floor and then leave the diaper as a present for the unsuspecting librarians.

Batarang said...

: )